Your marriage is getting the leftovers. Let's talk.

Hey friend! 🤍

Can we talk about something that seems to make people REALLY uncomfortable?

Putting your marriage before your kids.

Yep. I said it.

And I can already hear the keyboards clicking. 😂

But before you decide I'm some terrible mother who thinks children should fend for themselves while their parents ride off into the sunset, hear me out.

Marriage first does NOT mean kids last.

It means understanding that the relationship between you and your spouse is the foundation of the family you're trying to build.

And foundations matter.

When Justus and I got married, we combined 10 kids under the age of 14.

TEN.

That's a whole lot of personalities, emotions, schedules, opinions, and opportunities for things to go sideways.

And trust me, they did.

But one thing we understood was that if we allowed our marriage to become the least important relationship in the house, everything else was going to suffer.

Here's what I see happening in so many remarriages.

Couples spend so much energy trying to make sure their kids are happy, their exes aren't upset, and nobody feels uncomfortable that they slowly start sacrificing the very relationship that brought their families together.

They stop making decisions as a team.

They avoid difficult conversations because they don't want to upset the kids.

They allow guilt from their previous marriage to influence how they parent in their current one.

And before long, they're not really functioning as husband and wife.

They're two exhausted parents trying to keep everybody else happy.

And here's the uncomfortable truth:

You can love your children fiercely AND tell them no.

You can respect your ex AND establish boundaries.

You can validate your child's feelings AND make decisions they don't agree with.

And you can prioritize your marriage without taking a single ounce of love away from your kids.

These things are not mutually exclusive!

In fact, one of the greatest gifts you can give your children is the experience of living in a home where the adults respect each other, support each other, and operate as a team.

Not a perfect marriage.

A strong one.

So what does marriage first actually look like?

It's not just date nights and romantic getaways.

It's making parenting decisions together instead of independently.

It's having difficult conversations privately rather than undermining each other in front of the kids.

It's protecting your time together, even when life is pulling you in 37 different directions.

And sometimes, it's telling your kids something they really don't want to hear:

"I understand how you feel, and your feelings matter. But this is a decision we've made together."

No guilt. No choosing sides. No throwing your spouse under the bus to win points with your kids.

THE JUST US CHALLENGE 🤍

This week, I want you to ask your spouse one question:

“Are we building our marriage into the center of our family, or are we giving it whatever time and energy everyone else leaves behind?”

And then talk about ONE thing you can change this week to make your relationship a priority.

Because here's what I know after more than a decade of raising 10 kids in a blended family.

Your kids deserve a stable home. Your spouse deserves a committed partner. And your marriage deserves more than the leftovers.

You didn't get remarried to spend the rest of your life trying to keep everybody else happy.

You got remarried to build a life together.

So build it. Intentionally.

Talk soon!

Chantelle 🤍

The Just Us Method