Stop Trying to Be the Disneyland House
Hey Blendies! 🤍
Can we talk about the Disneyland House?
You know the one.
The kids show up for the weekend and suddenly bedtime is optional, chores are nonexistent, the pantry looks like a convenience store, and the word "no" has mysteriously disappeared from everyone's vocabulary.
Meanwhile, the kids who live there full-time are wondering why THEY still have to unload the dishwasher.
Sound familiar? 😂
Listen, I get it.
When you don't get to see your kids every day, you want the time you DO have with them to be special.
You miss them. You feel guilty about the divorce. You worry they won't want to come back if your house isn't as fun as the other one.
So you compensate.
A little extra spending here. A few overlooked behaviors there. Maybe we skip the chores because "they're only here for the weekend."
And before you know it, you've created two completely different experiences under the same roof.
Here's the problem with the Disneyland House.
It teaches kids that being part of your family depends on how often they're there.
Some kids have responsibilities.
Other kids have reservations. 😂
When Justus and I blended our 10 kids, we were intentional about creating ONE family.
Not his kids and my kids.
Not full-time kids and part-time kids.
Just OUR kids.
And part of that meant understanding something really important:
You don't have to entertain your children to make them feel loved.
Kids need connection, absolutely.
They need quality time, attention, and the reassurance that they belong.
But they also need consistency, expectations, and the opportunity to contribute to the home they're part of.
Because belonging isn't just having a bedroom and a toothbrush at Dad's house.
Belonging means you're part of the family. And being part of the family comes with both privileges AND responsibilities.
Now, does that mean every kid should have identical chores, bedtimes, or expectations?
Of course not.
Age matters. Circumstances matter. The amount of time they spend in your home matters when deciding what's reasonable.
But your household VALUES shouldn't change depending on whose weekend it is.
And here's where I want to challenge you a little.
Are you parenting out of love, or are you parenting out of guilt?
Because those two things can look very similar in the moment, but they produce very different results.
Love creates security.
Guilt often creates inconsistency.
And inconsistency can create resentment, not only between you and your spouse, but between the kids themselves.
THE JUST US CHALLENGE 🤍
This week, sit down with your spouse and ask:
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Do our household expectations change depending on which kids are home?
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Are we avoiding certain rules because we're afraid of upsetting someone?
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How can we make EVERY child feel like they belong without turning our home into a vacation destination?
And then choose ONE thing to make more consistent.
Maybe everyone helps clean up after dinner.
Maybe screen-time expectations apply to everyone.
Maybe the kids who visit less often get dedicated one-on-one time AND still participate in normal family life.
Because here's what I want you to remember.
Your kids don't need the most entertaining house. They need a home where they feel secure, loved, and like they belong.
And sometimes, belonging looks a whole lot like being asked to take out the trash.
Welcome to the family, kid. 😂
Talk soon!
Chantelle 🤍
The Just Us Method
